Reality Check by an Almost Failure

I’ve come across a career talk organised by my alma mater. It somehow makes me chuckle as the whole career talk thingy reminds me of something. The title of this article tells it all.

I ain’t referring myself as some random loser or failure because the principle is you never talk down to yourself on yourself. Never. Because from failing we learn. My principle is failures are not the most respectable teacher – not from the sense of being respectable but there are lots more than failure itself could teach you the true meaning or purpose of your life. I named it ‘the turning point’ or the process of pulling yourself together.

Have you ever really hit rock bottom? That is one simple question I keep asking myself with. I have been with one but I don’t know if that one time is the most bottom or just hardly a test put on me – you know, like a pre-test or something.

The feeling of positioning yourself at the bottom part of a wheel is obviously not a marvellous one. You somehow have to work hard to pull yourself together, to push yourself against your destructive-self and emotions.

Failing makes you feel like you are at the end of the world, you are the unluckiest person alive. And any other additions of bad influence just destruct you even more – from the inside and outside. Your life becomes a mess, you find no reasons to live your life the way you should because at that time, it is the moment for you to mope around. Let it be. Let everything that frustrates you out. Humans are not some robots. We need time to heal. To feel pain means to heal, to move forward.

But there is a rule, you cannot let the situations take control over your life. You cannot let it ever happen. Once it happens, you are ruined. The possibilities to get yourself stand back on the ground is there but the chance of getting exposed to depression is elevating as well.

Once I crumbled on the ground as I started seeing myself at the bottom, I could not accept the fact that I had lost the game I played, I had let other people down, I had miscalculated my gambling strategies. I was unaware, the fact that taking a turning point is much more important rather than sobbing around all the winnings and all the happiness. It was just a split moment when God wanted to test my faith, to stir my patience, so that I could muscle up in the meantime and come back even stronger.

When facing failures, you sob, I sob, we all sob. It is okay to do that. Our minds are reminding us they need some rest too, our hearts remind us to take things slowly, feel others’ pains, do not expect too much because nothing is ever permanent.

Bukit Kiara

With every failure, people around me started to lose their faith in me slowly, and made me crumbled even more. I staggered, especially when those people were someone closest to me. I was given a chance to give another shot at other things, but things turned out bad too.

I staggered even more. I had no idea of to whom should I address my problems, to whom should I confide my frustrations. God gave me a fine reason as I somehow found a notebook in my box. I started to let out everything I felt by simply writing the feelings down.

It felt different once you started to let things out. All the negativity started to disappear. Eventually all I need was the right channel to forgo the negative side of me by taking control myself back. The positivity started to overwhelm myself.

Now, let’s get back to the point of checking the reality in career pursuit nowadays. I am not implying that you shouldn’t take any risks to learn something and then worry about not getting employed. I used to think that I will eventually land my dream job. And the more sophisticated the name of your dream job, the powerful it sounds, the higher the pay, the more risks it offers, the more chance of me landing it. But not anymore.

The truth is that, we are living on planet earth, we have to face the reality and reality is suck! We have to deal with every problem and of course, right now the unstable economy. The possibilities for me to land my dream job has faded, not to forget the fact that I screwed my chance of getting enrol in my dream university pursuing my dream subjects.

That was my passion – computers.

My other passion is of course – photography. As though I have a really limited time to do photography because of other commitments.

They are passions. These passions, they can grow or wilt. It is not necessary for you to pursue your passions as your professional. Because I used to get confused between the two.  Your passions, you can work them out while you’re doing other things – like being tied with your current job.

Back in high school, we had to identify our career prospects so forth. During that time, whatever the career we had thought of becoming in the future, that one career has a high possibility to turn into something else. Unless you are way too committed to become one. We take time to learn something, our minds are capable of changing sides.

I have to take a leap to be where I am today. I thought I could be an engineer specialised in computer systems when the fact that I was actually fated to involve myself in administrative works – the systems word is still there though. I remembered the day I entered a hostel office, I was visiting my sister back then, it came to me actually, the feeling of working in an office – a bit relaxing I thought. So then I submitted my application to pursue my study and one of the options was the Office System Management. Upon almost 2 months enrolling to that university with that course, I was offered a job as a government servant. It was not my dream job as my dream job was the computer engineer thingy but still, my job needs me to use computers and all the systems, so it still gives me the right amount of satisfaction.

As though I generally have to take a longer route that includes lots of bumps and detours, I am happy to be where I am today. I find solace in the midst of all the chaos occurred. I am now pursuing long distance learning. Juggling between your career, studies and passions is never easy but that is how life is. Life is all about the never ending learning. I learn so my passions could never wilt and so that I could always be thankful for having whatever I have, less is enough, as more could complicate my nerves even more.

Talking about the certainty of getting employed once ones complete their studies, there are absolutely none. There are people with a master degree in Chemical Engineering somehow ended up as a clerk which only requires your high school diploma. Something worth to remember and think, no matter how difficult your rides, always be thankful and stay positive. The key is to live our lives sincerely and patiently.

Our lives are uncertain, we just have to move our feet forward and be wherever we were destined to be, or sometimes when we chose another path, the path somehow would lead us back to the fated destination that has always remained unknown to us.


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